Archive for the ‘Legalese’ Category

Fun Fact: Since 2009, the reverse side of the Sacagawea dollar has been changing yearly to depict different scenes of Native American accomplishments.


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Good Job, Facebook.

I love this. 🙂 I’m glad that Facebook added this option under “Relationship.” It makes me happy but also reminds me of just how much work there is left to do until marriage inequality is finally done away with. Alexis is one of my law school (Twitter) friends, and I really doubt she’ll mind that I posted this here, especially since I made sure to blur the last names and pictures. Not mine, though, because I really don’t care if you nerds find me on Facebook.

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Reception for Muzaffar Ali

Image by Salmaan Taseer via Flickr

I don’t normally do this, but recent events merit a discussion. Pakistan is split up into many provinces, one of them being Punjab. Each province has its own governor, and the governor of Punjab was Salmaan Taseer. He was recently murdered by his 26 year old bodyguard, a man by the name of Qadri.

He was assassinated for his outspoken and stubborn opposition to Pakistan’s strict blasphemy laws. He was successful in igniting a national debate about the strict laws after the conviction of Aasia Noreen, also known as Aasia Bibi. She is a Christian woman in a rural town in Pakistan. The Muslim women in her town didn’t like her, and very often harassed her, saying things like how she was soiling the well from which they all drew water because she was a Christian. Aasia Bibi had a few choice words of her own, such as, “Your prophet died with worms in his mouth,” by which she meant that the Prophet Muhammad (S) was a liar.

The village women complained to the town maulvi (analogous to a town priest) and he filed a report. He said that tears of joy flowed from his eyes when she was arrested and given a death sentence. Aasia Bibi is currently on death row and was visited by Salmaan Taseer, who famously opposed the strict blasphemy laws and called for repeal and modification of Pakistan’s penal code. It was because of his convictions that he was assassinated, as said by his bodyguard Qadri in his confession.

Taseer upset the fringe religious fundamentalists with his calls for the appeal, as well as the more mainstream religious parties. Which is why, sadly, his assassination does not come as a surprise. There is a pattern in Pakistan, you see.

1. A Pakistani politician tries to do something progressive.

2. Religious right is horribly offended and angered.

3. The Pakistani politician is assassinated.

4. Other Pakistani politicians promise not to do anything progressive.

I don’t have to say that what is going on with Aasia Bibi is horrendous. It shocks and offends the conscience that she was convicted based on the testimony of the women in her village alone. It’s horrible that she was even treated that way in the first place by those Muslim women, when Islam says to treat others, particularly the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) well, except during times of war because, obviously, that’s war. I can only assume that these women were ignorant and completely uneducated about Islam outside of whatever ‘basics’ the maulvi chose to dole out – hate those that aren’t Muslim, women belong at home and should always obey their husbands without question, etc. Again, that’s my presumption. It would hardly be uncommon.

There are already Facebook pages for Qadri, the assassin. The remarks are atrocious. I’m not linking to any of them. But they just show how backwards things are in Pakistan, when that kind of thinking emerges immediately and so strongly after an assassination.

I see one argument that is particularly popular, and I just wanted to use this post to respond to that. I have seen it plastered all over my Twitter timeline from some (a minority) of the Pakistani people I follow. (The majority of Pakistanis I follow are shocked, outraged, and very saddened by this tragedy.) I’ve seen it pop up on these Facebook fan pages for the assassin, and other conversations about Taseer’s assassination.

The argument is that in the days of the Prophet (S), blasphemers would be put to death. And therefore, as an Islamic country, Pakistan absolutely should not repeal the blasphemy law because it is not a ‘man-made’ law, but a God-made law.

I can see how that argument appeals to people of faith. (Not to say I’m not a person of faith. I am. But the argument doesn’t appeal to me.) It’s very simple and very comforting: you insult my vision of God, you get put to death. That means I’m always going to be right! Because there’s no one around to say otherwise!

We’re better than that. Muslims are better than that. People of faith – be it Christianity, Judaism, any world religion – are better than that argument.

And more seriously, that argument ignores the egregious, completely anti-Islamic way in which such a law is implemented. It is well known that in Pakistan, blasphemy laws are unfairly and discriminately used against Christians and other religious minorities.

Well, duh, you say, because they’re the only ones that would have a reason to speak out against Islam.

That still ignores the fact that plenty of Pakistani Muslims challenge maulvis and religious hard-liners, question interpretations of the Quran and Sunnah, and so on, and don’t face swift retribution under the strict blasphemy laws the way, for example, Pakistani Christians do.

Islamically, we do differentiate between man-made and God-made laws. Do not associate false gods with the true God – that’s a God-made law. Do not litter – a man-made law. Simple enough. But God-made laws need to be implemented in that same ‘godly’ fashion – that is, uniformly. Without prejudice.

And until that can be done, we have little business trying to label our laws as God-made or man-made. Blasphemy laws are used to unfairly persecute non-Muslims in Pakistan. And that is why the argument that a law against blaspheming God or the Prophet is a God-made law cannot hold water.

That is what Salmaan Taseer understood. That is what he fought for, and that is what he was killed for. And that is why the blasphemy laws in Pakistan need to be repealed.

I’d like to close with something Taseer said that I could not agree with more, and really sums up my feelings toward the ostentatiously religious, in Pakistan but more personally for me, in my own Desi community here in Chicago, who only use that appearance of piety to belittle and subjugate others.

Who the hell are these maulvis to decide whether I’m a Muslim or not?

Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Rajiun.

We come from God, and to Him we must return.

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My friend Jill put it better thanI could. This is her post about the TSA scanners and pat-downs, and I highly recommend it to anyone that’s even remotely interested. Remotely interested, adn even un-outraged by the new procedures.

As for me, I shall remain outraged.” — Click.

She hits on all the important points and here are just a couple that I co-sign:

  • If we’re suddenly safe on airplanes now that the scanners and pat-downs are in effect, were we unsafe between the time of the last attempted hijacking/bombing and now? Were all of you ‘safe now’ people sitting at home, petrified to fly during that time?
  • No, flying is not a right. Neither is talking on the phone. But if the government tapped all our phones and overheard every single one of our conversations to our spouses, friends, children, parents, would that be okay? By that logic, you ‘flying is not a right’ people are also huge fans of the Patriot Act. AND GO.
  • Of all the terrorist plots aboard airplanes since 9/11, none were stopped by the TSA. Big fat none. They were stopped by the passengers. The same passengers that are now having their butts, breasts, and genitals groped.

Here are just some of my own points I want to toss in:

  • The scanners are a big waste of time and money and can easily be overcome.
  • Just because you’re fine with it, don’t for a minute think that means you get to tell the rest of us to be fine with it. Because victims of rape or sexual abuse, Muslim/Mormon women, among many others, will never be fine with this.
  • Obama is a fucking idiot not to speak against the scanners. It’s an issue that crosses party lines, that has Dems, Repubs, Libs, everyone up in arms. He could have easily turned this into a uniting issue and helped put an end to it, instead of coming off as our out-of-touch overlord who doesn’t care about the scanners because Sasha and Malia will never have to be patted down before boarding Air Force One.
  • Adam Savage was chosen to go through the scanners. They got their picture of his body but somehow missed the 12-inch razor blades on his body. Since the razors weren’t near his genitals they probably wouldn’t have been detected in the pat-down, either.
  • You are no safer now than you were before. If you honestly think you are, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you. Take a flight out tomorrow, because I’ll need about 10 hours to drive there.

Please read Jill’s post. It’s awesome.


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I’ve been in a mood lately to share more about my personal life here on this blog. I figure that as a young, progressive, educated Muslim American, it’s my duty to do so. Sometimes, sharing my personal life means simply putting up a picture of me and Mama Hoomster from when I was a baby. Sometimes it means sharing Papa Hoomster’s little…um…instances of uniqueness. And sometimes, it means….well, sometimes it just means something.

A man came to the door today. We live in a cheerful but well hidden little cul-de-sac. Depending on the direction you’re headed, you don’t even see it until you pass it. Google Earth street view barely even recognizes us (you can’t even see our house from it).

For this reason, we rarely get Jehovah’s witnesses or Mormons (I usually horrify them by telling them I think Jesus was a great man, but when I’m feeling more charitable, I let them know that we’re very happy with the God we have now) or political-types canvassing for votes, or people trying to sell magazines so their kid wins a dirt bike.

But this man came to the door today. His name was Dennis Clark, a tall, clean cut, distinguished-side-of-middle-age white guy with kind eyes and a nice, humble smile. He was running for the President of the Forest Preserve District of DuPage County.

I was working on my Supreme Court brief for my fourth and final required writing class, my mother usually doesn’t answer the door, and my dad was the only one not in his pajamas, so talking to the guy fell on him. Dennis gave a little schpiel about who he was, what he was running for, and his qualifications. We are always very polite to anyone that comes to our door, even if they’re trying to sell us things we don’t want or convert us – Islam stresses hospitality to guests to levels that might seem ridiculous in Western society – so my dad listened patiently to the whole thing, bid him good luck, thanked him, and said goodbye.

Then this happened.

Papa Hoomster: Huma, here, this is more for you. More your thing.

Me: What is it?

Papa Hoomster: The guy left a flier.

[hands it to me]

Me: What’s he running for? Or who’s he canvassing for?

Papa Hoomster: Something about the Arboretum. Vote for the guy in the next election, okay?

I really shouldn’t be so surprised when little exchanges like this take place. But I am. I stared after him as he wandered off and barely remember calling out something about how you should never, ever vote for anyone without fully researching the candidate. But I knew there was little point.

My father has been here since 1971. Legally. He lived with his buddies in Chicago, then went to college in Alabama (ROLL TIDE!!!1!), then came back to Chicago because, like Frank Sinatra, it was his kind of town. He left in the early 1980s to go back to Pakistan to marry my mother. She got a full scholarship to Boston University, so they came back and settled in Boston. My mother’s citizenship was quickly taken care of (relatively quickly) thanks to BU’s interest in having her in their program and among their adjunct faculty, and she’s been a citizen so long that she’s forgotten what a pain the whole process is. In 1996 we moved back to Chicago and have been here since.

In all the time that they’ve been here as bona-fide American citizens, my parents have never once voted.

Never once.

And naturally, this horrifies me. It horrifies me as much as someone who does whatever he or she can do to get out of jury duty, or, once on the jury, plans to do whatever he or she can do to get the case tied up with a neat little bow as soon as possible.

It also horrifies me as much as garden gnomes.


I remember being just out of high school and hanging out in my friend Alex’s kitchen. Alex’s mom got me registered to vote, and I felt awesome when I filled out that little green card. It was like, bring it, political system, I’m armed to the teeth with the right to enact change.

My very first vote was for John Kerry. We all know how that worked out, but what can I say? A girl always remembers her first.

Voting, to me, has never been about a choice. It’s a right. And you exercise your rights to the fullest extent that you can, because otherwise? They mean nothing. I have a right in this country to an expectation of freedom of religion. If I let that right fall to the wayside and allow that right to be curtailed in any way, I do myself a disservice, I do my fellow citizens – Muslims, non-Muslims, monotheists, polytheists, atheists, agnostics, anyone that has any view in any sort of religious or non-religious thought paradigm – a disservice, and I do the Constitution a disservice by failing to take of what it gives me.

Voting is a right, a duty, and is non-negotiable.

As far as I can tell, my parents are hardly alone in their abstention from voting among the South Asian immigrant demographic. Whereas political and social involvement is very high in first generation South Asian Americans, our parents often don’t exhibit the same ideals. I’m not saying no South Asians vote. I’m not even saying that most South Asians don’t vote. I’m just saying that enough don’t that it’s a cause for concern about that particular mindset.

This isn’t about being all high-and-mighty about voting. Plainly put, there’s nothing to be high and mighty about. You vote because you can. You vote because you want change. You vote because you have a voice. You vote because there were people before you who didn’t get to. You vote because it’s American.

(Not to give America some sort of exclusive control over the idea of voting. Substitute a democratic foreign government of your choice in there and it’s all good.)

One big complaint, maybe the biggest, against us Muslims is that we fail to assimilate. I’ve been told that, like the Jews, Muslims in America should abandon the aspects of their faith that set them apart from mainstream social norms, because having this sort of ‘double-identity’ isn’t healthy.

(Yes, those of you of Jewish faith, feel free to be as offended by that remark as I was. 😉 I’m not granting myself any kind of exclusive license when it comes to offense either. Hah.)

Well, that’s just too bad. Because there are certain aspects of our religious identity that, if we abandon them, cause us to be outside the folds of our religion.

Women who wear hijab – they would never dream of taking it off outside their homes. Ever. Because that would mean, to them, that they were outside the folds of our religion. Eating meat in public places, like ordering a Whopper at Burger King? Those of us that practice Zabiha-Halal dietary restrictions would never dream of doing that, because to do so would mean, to us, to be outside the folds of our religion. Strutting around in a bikini in public? Those of us who understand that Islam prides a woman in her modesty would never dream of doing that because to do so would cause us to be outside the folds of our religion. Reading the Quran in Arabic and touching our foreheads to the ground five times a day in the direction of Mecca? We will never stop doing that. Ever. Because doing so is the best and most complete way of being outside the folds of our religion.

To abandon those things would mean to not be a Muslim anymore.

And for a country that proudly espouses freedom of religion as its first,  salient principle in the Bill of Rights, guaranteed to all citizens across the land, that is an impossible pill to swallow. It might as well be a cyanide pill, in that respect.

And it’s amazing to me how many simply don’t understand what it means to ask Muslims to compromise that much just to ‘assimilate’ as they define assimilation.

But for all the things we refuse to do, there are certainly things we can do. Things we should do.

We should participate in our community affairs. In a recent LA Times article (that I will be blogging about shortly), a California doctor said, “We’re not travelers. We live here. We’re Americans. We’re Rotarians!” That made me chuckle, I have to admit. But he’s absolutely right. We can and do and must participate in our community affairs. Of course, having a Muslim get elected to Town Council these days is another instance of “THEYRE TRYNA IMPOZE SHARIER LAW ON USSSSSSS,” but what can you do? We can’t afford to be chased out of community involvement this way.

We should continue with our charitable efforts…and draw more publicity to them. Islam has a very, very strong tradition against publicizing acts of charity. One of the most popular hadith regarding charity is that when the right hand gives, the left hand should not know how much. You never publicize what you do, how much you give, who you give it to. The main idea is that you should give charity for the sake of God, not to win glory and respect. And the person to whom you give should be safe in the anonymity of the giver; he should never feel beholden to that person, or feel as if he’s being made to feel beholden.

Our masjids are where we coordinate our charity efforts. Most food drives, clothing drives, charity gardens, fundraisers for local, national, and international disasters, etc, happen at the masjid. Aside from that, once every year, Muslims give 2.5% of their daily income as well as all their possessions (so if you have an expensive car, the value of that car is counted among your net income that year and included in the 2.5% calculation) in Zakat to the masjid. There are sadaqah boxes where Muslims give daily, freely, at will.

I don’t think anyone that doesn’t visit a masjid regularly can even conceive of how much charity is done there. Money, sure, but also acts of charity.

And the problem is, we never publicize this. Ever. That’s our mistake. In order to educate the public about our beliefs, we’re going to have to set aside the Islamic idea of charity in secret, at least for now, because there are bigger things at stake. And one policy seems, at least to me, to clearly outweigh the other.

We should continue to educate ourselves. They see us as fanatics. Mindless drones who pray to a monkey god and bang our heads on the earth five times a day and lock up our women and mutilate the genitals of our girls.

The best way to fight this is not with anger (I have to remind myself – because, hey, I’m a huge work in progress over here), but with intelligence. We must educate ourselves broadly, of course: go to school. Stay in school. Go to college. Go on for higher education, perhaps professional degrees.

We must educate ourselves socially: immerse ourselves in our heterogenous communities, not just our Muslim communities, to really tap into the pulse of social consciousness in our immediate area and learn what people think of us so that we can better learn how to combat those misconceptions.

And we must educate ourselves Islamically, and learn all about our religion that we can. It says in the Quran, over and over and over again, that our religion was perfected for us. The hard work’s been done for us; the least we can do is understand what we believe in, and if we already have that understanding, understand ways in which to better articulate it.

We should continue to speak. After 9/11, my parents told me to keep my head down and not draw attention to myself. Lots of my friends who went to school in public schools or were in college, etc, got that same advice. Do not ever speak against the war in Afghanistan. Do not ever criticize George W. Bush or Guiliani or Cheney in any way. If they’re speaking against Islam, just remove yourself from that discussion. Do not draw attention to yourself, because it’s not safe.

Almost ten years have passed, and it’s still not safe. If anything, it’s gotten less safe. And we’ve learned that staying quiet just isn’t an option.

So we must speak. We must write, we must use our voices, we must use our thoughts, we must use our actions to fight back against these ideas that paint us as militants, as blood-thirsty, as medieval, as bigoted, as a threat to American society.

We tried removing ourselves from the discussion, like a child that covers his eyes and thinks the world doesn’t see him; the discussion found us anyway.

And we must vote. Our parents came to this country because they yearned for its opportunities and its freedoms and its safety. Even if some of them feel disenfranchised or ‘other’ to the point of wishing to abstain from one of the fundamental rights they’re granted here, we cannot make that a pattern. We cannot let that define our demographic, our population. We must vote to enact the change we wish to see; anything less is unacceptable.

Beyond eating a Big Mac, beyond getting offended over nothing, beyond drinking beer in a kiddie pool while watching Independence Day fireworks, voting is the single most American thing anyone here do.

They say we’re un-American. By not voting, we prove them right.

This post was not in any way an endorsement of Dennis P. Clark for President of the Forest Preserve District of DuPage County.

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The following is a guest post by Alexis Bonari.

Working in the entertainment industry can be tricky, so it’s never a bad idea to brush up. The following is something of an overview for two of the most often discussed topics in this field.

Accounting (Royalties):

Any artist signed to a label, with a commercially released record, will look forward to when he/she can be paid royalties. The process wherein the artist gets their royalties is called an “accounting”.

Accounting’s are made usually twice a year, within sixty to ninety days after the end of each six-month period. The cut-off for the six-month periods are usually, but not always, June 30th and December 31st. Sometimes, labels make quarterly accountings, which is better for the artist because wait for money is less. On the other hand, some labels account only once in a year. When an artist is accounted to, in addition to receiving a check (provided records were sold), he or she will normally receive a statement showing record sales and how the royalties were calculated. Since an artist will only receive royalties on records that were actually sold, as opposed to records simply shipped, an artist may to wait a long time to be paid.


When two people sit down and write a song together, they create a “joint work” and both people involved own the song. Even though each person may create a distinct part, both writers have an interest in the entire work.

For example, if A only writes the music and B only writes the lyrics, B still owns half of the music and lyrics, and so does A. When there is a joint work, either of the writers can deal non-exclusively with the entire song, while still subject to the obligation to pay the other writer(s) his/her share of the net profits. Therefore, it’s judicious that the writers enter into an agreement which establishes how the profits should be split should the split be anything other than 50/50. An agreement can be simple, but needs to include some major points:

  1. The title of the song in question on must be listed.
  2. The writers must agree to split any and all net profits garnered from the sale of the song.
  3. The writers must agree that if expenses are accumulated for the preparation or presentation of the song, each of the writers will be responsible for a percentage of the expenses. The percentage is usually in the same proportion as division of the net profits.
  4. The writers should agree that at any time before the song is placed with a publisher, the writer may withdraw his/her contribution freely, provided that he/she shall have no claim to, or rights in, any later collaboration on that particular song.
  5. The date, signatures, addresses and social security numbers of the writers should be included at the end of the agreement.

There are hundreds more legal issues in a business as complicated as the music industry, but hopefully this provided some help.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org, researching areas of online universities. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

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You might have heard about this, but in case you haven’t, here’s the skinny: the San Francisco Commission of Animal Control and Welfare is considering an ordinance that would effectively be a ban on selling all pets except fish. Cats, dogs, guinea pigs, mice, ferrets, birds, all sorts of critters will not be available in the San Francisco area. So for all the San Franciscans who want furry things scurrying around, they’ll have to drive to a nearby town and buy them there, or hit up the classified section of the local paper, or visit the shelter.

Apparently, the hamsters are to blame for this. The hamsters are ALWAYS to blame, you guys. For everything.

People get their kids hamsters thinking that they’re cute little not-mice that are all cuddly and stuff. But it turns out that hamsters, when they inevitably escape their cages, love to chew wires and destroy things, and they run on their stupid little wheels at 2 in the morning and just generally little turds.

So people abandon them and then Animal Control has to euthanize them by the bucketload, which is sad.

So the Commission may possibly decide that in order to keep all these animals, including but not limited to hamsters, from being abandoned and euthanized and all that terrible business, they’re going to ban the sale of all animals but fish.

Fish are awful, you guys. They just swim there and have no other discernible talents. I had been begging my parents all my life to get me a kitty, and on my twelfth birthday, Papa Hoomster came home and announced that he just got back from the pet store. And  then…he pulled out a bag of gold fish.

And he expected me to be happy about this development.

Ugh. I hated those goldfish. They didn’t do anything and I wasn’t pleased by this obvious handicap. Mama Hoomster was the one that usually fed them, so they loooooved her. They used to ignore the rest of us and always swim to the front corner of the tank whenever she walked by.


Scaly little bastards.

But yeah, pet stores in San Francisco won’t be able to sell anything but fish. They’ll be fish stores. If they stay in business at all.

Obviously, this has caused quite a stir in SanFran, with many pet store owners saying that this ordinance, if it is passed, will put them out of business completely.

It’s a great goal, to reduce the number of animals that have to be put down every year, but this is taking it a wee bit too far. I’m all for people going to the animal shelter when they need a pet, but as far as I can tell based on things like Googling ‘where to get a pet macaw in San Francisco,’ it might be pretty difficult to find the specific animal you just have to have in a shelter or the classified section or on Craigslist. Plus, there seem to be a LOT of pet stores in San Francisco and a lot of them are small, non-chain pet stores. And they’ll all presumably have to shut down because, really, how many stores full of goldfish does one town really need? Even one is too much, says I.

Would it be so hard to just attempt to better educate the public when it comes to purchasing animals? For crying out loud, put up a sign next to the hamster cage that says to beware, because they bite and like to chew through boxes and wires and are nocturnal creatures so they’ll make noise while you sleep. Also, for certain types of animals, maybe a hold is a good idea, like the kind normally used at animal shelters: if you want to purchase a rat, place your order, and the animal will be put on ‘hold’ so no one else can adopt it out from under you, and you take the animal home the next business day or whatever, just so it’s not an impulse buy, which is one of the things the ordinance was introduced to address. And in the case of dogs or cats, I personally think that there is no excuse not to go to the animal shelter or the pound to pick one up, unless you need a specific kind of dog, like a really big one as a watch dog or a dog to keep the garden free of rabbits and gophers and such, etc.

But really, I’m partial to the idea about signs.. I’m a big fan of signs. I absolutely love reading signs, you guys. Give me a good sign to read and I am happy.

For example, here’s something that I would put up near the hamster cage.

See? Totally informational, totally true, and not at all traumatizing for a kid to see next to a cage of furry little hamsters. It’s not like I’m Lynn Geter, after all.

And lots of people buy iguanas for their kids, right? Personally, I think we have Bill Amendt and his Foxtrot to blame for that. Remember Quincy?

Here’s something they could easily hang by the iguana cage to keep the public informed.

Rabbits ought to come with warning signs, too, yes?


This is the sign I hung up at the Naperville Area Humane Society, but Becky made me take it down.



Speaking of spaying and neutering, as of a day or two ago, we still have about 6 beagle pups at the shelter and 8 million adorable itty bitty kitty committees, so if you’re in the area, stop by at the Naperville Area Humane Society on Diehl Road and check out the results of people not spaying and neutering anything.

Anyway, moving on, I saw this one at Barnes & Noble the other day:

The last one gets confusing when I need to hide my gun in something that’s been hollowed out, but then I refer to the handy dandy sign, and I know which one is right.


I saw this one at the library, the law school, the pool, the grocery store, and then a couple of Homeland Security agents came and held it in front of my face for a couple minutes, too.

Nice of them.

And this is what MYSTERIOUSLY happened to the stop sign at the end of my cul de sac.

I think we need to remember that NO ONE knows how this happened and most importantly, NO ONE has any proof because it was dark and I was totally wearing a mask.


Methinks I’ve tipped my hand…

Eh, whatever.

I visited the little town from Footloose recently and realized that while they made a lot of progress in that movie, they have a long way to go.

Yup, I’m never happier than when I’m reading signs. And everybody’s getting in on the action!

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