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Archive for the ‘Law Skool’ Category

Welp, April is over. It’s officially May, and I’m supposed to be officially back to blogging my daily outfits. And I will be, I promise! Just not until Tuesday, most likely, or possibly Wednesday, when I’ll have my post up at HeaveMedia.

I have a monster Sex Crimes paper due Monday. It’s about prison rape and how the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 has no teeth, and it proposes a bunch of solutions to combat this epidemic that, unfortunately, forms the basis of so many jokes in popular culture. I was struggling to come up with a paper topic for this class and Andy suggested prison rape right off the top of his head (he’s looking at the different tiers of prostitution, from, like, street-walkers all the way up to high-class escorts, and his paper sounded really interesting from his presentation).

And I was like, yeah, okay, maybe, and then I was watching like five Family Guy episodes in a row the next day and there was one with like 4 prison rape jokes in the span of two minutes and that pretty much settled it.

Click to watch the episode I'm talking about.

Besides, learning about prisons and prison reform is kind of my new thing. I have a bunch of books from BetterWorldBooks about those topics sitting on my desk and I can’t WAIT until I have the free time to read them.

My Animal Law paper is due tomorrow, but I turned it in last week because I’ve been done with it for a month (YAY for planning ahead! Otherwise I’d have to shoot myself in the face right now). My prof said it was the best paper she’d read in six years of teaching the course. It was about the disposition of pet custody issues, and basically discussed how the present method of treating pets as mere property for purposes of division of assets, like in divorce cases, was inadequate and a remnant of the past when animals were valued mostly for their functional use.

I mean, really, those of you that own dogs, for example – can you honestly say that Fido is worth his fair market value and not a cent more? That he’s no different than a dishwasher, or a pair of shoes? That rule, established in 1897, struck me as hideously antiquated and not at all a sensible way of deciding who got custody of a family pet in a divorce case. So I proposed carving out a new category of property called “living property,” to include companion animals (of any species legally zoned for the parties’ respective domiciles – so … no tigers or alligators, but a pet pig or some other less traditional pet would be covered) and even plants. Because some people are crazy and have tremendous attachment to and affection for their plants.

Personally, I can’t relate. All my plants die just to spite me. 😡

Living property would be treated as an intermediate kind of property, somewhere between chattel, where it’s just property and nothing more, and real property, where every piece of real estate is considered unique. There would be property concerns that would factor into disposition of custody issues – who bought the dog? Who pays its bills? etc – and concerns that are more associated with family heirlooms – that is, which party spends the most time with the dog? Which party has the greatest sentimental attachment to it? This way, animals will be treated a bit better than, say, a dishwasher or a car, and will be on par with, say, that antique ring that great-grandma smuggled with her through the Holocaust or the Partition or pick-your-genocide.

I put up this picture of a kid and a pit bull mainly because I hate the misconceptions about the breed. Pit bulls are not somehow inherently dangerous killing machines. More often than not, an overly aggressive and dangerous pit bull is the fault of the owner - either through very poor training, or abuse. Any dog would be dangerous and bite-y if it was constantly abused by people. Some of the pit bulls I've trained at the shelter are aggressive, yes, but with kindness and gentle treatment - and by just being calm around them - I've seen them all let their guard down and go back to being the sweet, smart, loyal, and very affectionate dogs that they are. They're my absolute favorite breed ever, along with German Sheps.

(Wow, that caption looks absurdly long due to the width of the picture, but whatever, it’s a valid point and I’m keeping it.)

Anyway, my prof loved it and wants it to be published and also presented to a bunch of Chicago judges who handle divorce cases, so that’s exciting. Totally getting an A in that class.

Plus, I have a final sometime in May. I don’t really know when. I’ll deal with that later. And also, I really hope I didn’t fail the final for my 1-credit class that I took in late April, because I need that 1 credit, damn it. I probably didn’t though. InshaAllah. 😐 Ugh.

And then, of course, graduation crap. We have to pick up our cap and gown on the 20th, and I’m planning to bro it up with Andy that day, I think. Burgers, cigars, toasting to industry, all that.

I will not be drinking cognac, I promise. Only Andy will. I don't like to drink anything with my cigars. I know that, as a teetotaler, I have the option of espresso, but I just don't like drinking anything with them, period.

And then Sunday is graduation, and my BFF and her mom are coming down from Iron Mountain, MI, for the ceremony. And to see me and hang with my family. 🙂 So that will be LOVELY.

This is from the last time she was in Chicago. February or March?

And then we’ll see what happens. I’m optimistic.

But yes. I will be back to blogging soon. Very, very soon. And regularly! And with more cartoons!

Basically, here’s what I have planned.

  • More posts about sales and local deals. Beyond the Rack, Gilt Groupe, Rue La La, if they’re selling something business-casual-y, you’re going to hear about it. And if you want an invite, all you have to do is leave a comment with your name and email field filled out, and you will get one. If you do not leave me your email, I CANNOT HELP YOU. I’ve said that 80 times and I still get comments with no emails that are like Ooh, I can haz invite? And I’m like, no, moron, you can’t, because you can’t follow directions and have left me no way with which to invite you BECAUSE I NEED AN EMAIL ADDRESS. 😐 And local deals will, predictably, be Chicago-based. Because that’s where I live.
  • Shopping trip posts. I hate shopping, you guys. Nothing ever fits me. So I will occasionally do posts about my misadventures while shopping – showing you clothes that look darling, but then turn out to be ill-fitting and ill-conceived and not at all flattering. Basically, I’ll just be showing you things that most likely won’t work, and why, so that you can learn to quickly spot them and move on without wasting time in the fitting room or, worse, money at the register. I got a request to do more personal posts like these, so, what the heck. This is all for fun, anyway. I’m certainly not srs bzns about anything on here, and have no problem sharing my shopping horror stories. GOD I HATE SHOPPING.
  • On the scene One-Stop-Shops. As a little challenge, I’ll wind up at a random clothing store in my area and try to put together an outfit using only things in that store, for under the $100. It’s harder than it sounds. And Amanda is making me do it.
  • Kate Middleton-inspired outfits. We’ve been seeing lots of pre-wedding candids of her out and about, and I’ve loved most of her outfits. And she’s kind of super popular right now, and I know for a fact that a lot of you love reading about her, if my site stats are any indication, so I’ll be supplying you with plenty of many more Duchess of Cambridge-y outfits.
  • How To Dress Like A French Woman. This is going to be my new mini-series-thing for MyShingle, but I’ll be linking to it here. Basically, I’ll show you with about a week’s worth of outfits how to dress like a French woman.
  • Minimalism. I’m going to put together about 20 outfits, an entire month’s worth of posts here, using the same few pieces. Maybe the same ten pieces? Who knows. My point is to show you that you can buy some basic AND trendy/stand-out things and then just keep mixing and matching them for completely different looks. It’ll save you closet space AND money AND some stress that comes with being bombarded with too many choices.
  • Cartoons. OMG. I have cartoons planned, you guys. About me and Andy doing stupid things, about my new obsession with baths and essential oils, about my Gma and how everyone in my family is CRAZY, and more.
  • Book posts. Yes. I have a book journal. And I usually keep my posts about books there. But occasionally I’ll read a book that is just so awesome that I have to cross-post my GoodReads review with it here.  Gah. I have too many blogs. And I haven’t even linked you to my sekrit rishta (marriage/proposal/whatever) blog where I just complain about my parents’ attempts to get me married and present me with suitors for my hand. Sigh. Oddly, I manage to have a life. I swear I do, guys. I have an actual social life, and I do things removed from the computer, like read and paint and build birdhouses. Okay, I only built one. But still. I’m counting it.
  • Other random stuff, I’m sure. You guys know me. You know I have the attention span of a gnat. I’ll probably think of something else to post about here and run with it. It will probably be insane. You will probably scour the Interwebz trying to find my address so you can tell the nice men with the white jackets where to find me. It will be a normal Wednesday for everyone.

So, yeah, thanks for sticking around during my month-long hiatus because law school is terrible. 🙂 And if you ever have any requests or comments or suggestions, or if you just want to harass me, feel free to drop me an email at hrashid24@gmail.com.

I actually don’t mind being harassed. That’s why I find myself in scary situations so often. :/

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😐

You guys. We have a bit of an emergency. I need help. SHE CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS CAPTAIN.

I was sitting in my Counseling & Negotiations class, being all prim and proper and typing with my pinkies in the air like the lady that I am, when my professor, acknowledging that the room was quite warm and had been quite warm for all of our class sessions, said, “You may wear tank tops to class from now on if you want.”

😐

:-O

This was me when I heard him say that.


...WHAT.

YOU GUYS.

Tank tops.

To class.

At law school.

THIS CANNOT STAND.

😡

It’s total anarchy over here, you guys. Words cannot capture my outrage. So I shall let these images convey my displeasure instead.

BOY WATCHU TALKIN BOUT.

Ugh. FML.

Please...no. Don't do this.

Clearly, the Prof is doing this just to mock me. He is the worst man. :C This is the worst thing to happen to anyone ever.

HALP I NEED AN ADULT.

…Okay, so this one has nothing to do with anything. It’s just Leonardo DiCaprio ironing on a roof.

But it’s necessary.

😐

Just…just trust me on this.

(It’s not as good as Happy Leo With A Bucket, but still.)

 

…For the geniuses that’ll inevitably try to pee on this, yes, I realize the prof wasn’t serious. OKAY. THAT IS THE JOKE. YOU JUST RUINED EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE.

😡

This is why we can’t have nice things on this blog.

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Purchase of a Driving Record Abstract.

 

How many of you are filling out those Barzam applications right now? Most of my friends are. I’m not taking the July Bar due to personal/family stuff going on pretty much EXACTLY at that time, so I have a little extra time, but I’ll be taking the next one. Which means I’ll have to get my driving abstract so I can accurately report all my tickets or whatever on the application.

It’s not really a big deal. I have one speeding violation. Got a ticket for $75 – way back in like 2008. It’s the only blemish on my record, and since I’d never gotten a ticket before, the cop said that if I behaved myself for 90 days, my insurance company wouldn’t find out about it and everything would be fine. So I paid the ticket and stuck to the speed limit instead of doing my normal 15 mph over (I know, I’m awful, I’ve been working on it) and whatever.

I do have another ticket for a parking violation but from what I understand, you only have to report unpaid parking tickets on the application (don’t quote me), and I have none of those.

Still, I thought I’d post this for any Bar takers in Illinois in the near future. While some other states apparently provide abstracts for free, in Illinois you can just go to the DMV, fill in a form (fill IN a form? Fill IN?! Have we suddenly become British?! – An old Fry & Laurie joke that I’m sure devotees will recall), pay $12, and you’re good to go.

You also have to have recommendations from two professors from undergrad, and I see lots of people freaking out about that on Facebook and Twitter. I’m lucky – I’m Facebook friends with about five of my old professors. (Wait, did I mean ‘lucky’ or ‘pathetic?’ 😛 Kidding, kidding.) So getting in touch with them for recommendations won’t be a problem. And they’re all awesome, so I’m sure they won’t be like “OMG THIS GIRL IS THE CHILD OF SATAN KILL HER WITH FIRE BEFORE SHE SWINDLES THE ENTIRE STATE OUT OF A COUPLE BAJILLION.”

😐

Great. I totally just jinxed myself.

😡

 

 

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With me? Yes. It’s always something. I remember last year, I got swine flu. I’m sure something happened 1L year, but I’ve basically repressed that entire year, so whatever. And this year? I was hospitalized the night before my last final and taking a Vicodin every 3 hours (!!!) for three days afterward.

(I had a kidney stone. You might have heard. I’m fine now. It’s excruciating and makes you want to kill yourself.)

So of course, once they administered the morphine and I was no longer fantasizing about carving out my innards with an icicle just so I could be rid of the mind-numbing pain, I thought to email my professor and let him know that I wouldn’t be able to make it.

You know, because I had a little rock traveling on its merry way to my bladder.

😡

I’m sorry this is gross and TMI. But deal with it. Whatever.

Got my exam rescheduled for Monday (no one so much as said ‘feel better,’ by the way, which I thought was kind of douchey and which I will remember when cutting – I mean, not cutting – donation checks at an alumna, cough, cough) and trekked in to the city in pain and mild delirium to take it. Who knows how I did? There was a question about the crab. So I sang “under the sea” to myself for a while, even though I frigging hate that song.

Finally took it and then came home and slept like the dead. It was great. I put on my little Ocean Sounds track on my iPod, closed the blinds, pulled my blankie all the way over my head, and dreamt of absolutely nothing. Because deep sleep is delightful.

And now I’m back, and starting tomorrow, I shall pick up my fashion posting again. Tomorrow’s my day at Heave, and I’m sure I’ll have some fabulous TV character or celebrity trainwreck for you to dress like.

YAY.

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So my Remedies exam is today, and this just happened while I was talking to the LawSchoolBFF, BobBlahBlawg.

Andy: I was looking over our stuff and…we don’t actually have to know that much.

Me: OMG, I know. I was looking at my outline like, I know this sh-t.

Andy: But hey, we are all screwed on equal footing.

Me: WHAT. Equal footing? I DON’T EVEN HAVE THAT IN MY OUTLINE.

[two seconds later]

Me: Click. Okay, if we get a question on equal footing, Imma just write that first sentence over and over 8 times. Done. NEXT.

Andy: Wurt? No, I meant, we’re all equally screwed.

Me: Hahaha. I THOUGHT THAT WAS A DOCTRINE. …AND IT IS.

We’re losing our damn minds.

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The current United States Supreme Court, the h...

Image via Wikipedia

Really, there isn’t. SCOTUS ruled on that last month. It was a split court, though. Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Alito dissented, because they are massive tools. But the other five Justices agreed, so the law of the land is that I am awesome. Pretty soon it will be so ingrained in our popular culture that to find otherwise would turn our concept of justice and awesomeness on its ear, and even the Justices that were originally opposed to it will choke when they’re handed an opportunity to get rid of it once and for all.

Rehnquist. 😛

Anyway, it occurred to me that you nerds probably want to hear what happened with that mandatory moot court thing I was b!tching about.

Tuesday night was the first night of double rounds. I showed up, hung out on the floor for a bit with my opponent and the floor manager, and got up to argue at 6PM. My opponent (who was wearing a beautiful navy suit with these super pretty brown oxfords that I couldn’t stop staring at) was fabulous. He was really, really good. He had a slight twang in his voice, a little Southern, a little Chicago, which was odd since he’s not even from here, and I just loved sitting there and listening to him. He could have been reading one of Glenn Beck’s manifestos to me and I still would have been happy.

(And yes, as you’ve figured out by now, I thought he was wicked cute. Fellas? Wear suits. It’ll totally amp up your cuteness factor.)

So we filed out of the courtroom with our bailiff and I was sure he’d won. I mean, this guy nailed me on rebuttal. Just nailed me. He took the cases I cited and cited two more cases from those circuits, decided a year or two after mine, with opposite holdings. He was the Billy Jeff Clinton to my Bob Dole. Seriously.

I thought he was fabulous and had it in the bag. He was like, no way, you won, and I get to go home and drink a beer and watch TV.

We filed back in and the judges critiqued us. They were soooooo nice and had nothing bad to say at all, except that he read off the page a little too much. But their kindness surprised me. We were basically in the sudden death rounds; they should have been criticizing everything, like how I occasionally accidentally tapped the podium with the toes of my heels and shifted my weight back and forth and leaned over the podium like I was lining up a shot in pool.

(Okay, I wasn’t leaning that far, but I was kind of leaning. Sometimes. You can’t trust me around podiums, you guys. I contort myself around it in strange positions.)

After that it was time for dinner, which meant icky sandwiches from Jimmy John’s. Flame away, but I hate Jimmy John’s. Gross. There were brownie bites, thought, so I ate like 5 of those and had barbeque chips with Dr. Pepper.

I hadn’t had any caffeine for five whole days before that point, and I ended up downing 1/4 of a can of Dr. Pepper. Somewhere around there. Not much, but still. MAN was I jittery. For those of you that follow me on Twitter, you’ve seen what I tweet like when I have taken a caffeine pill or had like 4 shots of espresso.

When I am hopped up on caffeine, my eye twitches and my fingers get really twitchy, too. So I press shift at the wrong time and hit the wrong letters as my fingers spasm, and occasionally don’t hit the space bar right. If I want to type like a normal person, I have to do so suuuuuuperrrrrr slowwwwwlyyyyy. And then I have some kind of existential crisis, because I feel like if I have to type slowly, I won’t be able to say anything, and people will think I don’t exist, and they’ll forget about me and I HAVE TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING.

It all makes sense in my head at the time, I swear.

But yes. I had no caffeine for almost a week and then had a wee bit of soda and was going out of my skin. So jittery! I found the guy I argued against the first night and so I hung out with him, which was great. Then the moot court people came back with scores and announced the Top 8, and I was just chanting, please don’t pick me, please don’t pick me.

They picked me.

I advanced into the Top 8, and I remember, when I heard my number being called, letting my head fall on the table as I said a rather rude word very loudly.

😐

No one seemed to mind. Of the top 16, 14 of us were desperately trying to throw it, but not totally obviously because if you throw it and you’re totally obvious, they will flunk you. So you have to be artful in your suckitude in order to get tossed out.

So I advanced, unfortunately, which meant I had to run upstairs and argue immediately. This time I was arguing on-brief, and since I’d been arguing off-brief for three times in a row, I had come to know the other side’s argument much better than my original one. So I had like 3 minutes to brush up on it once I got upstairs.

The guy I was up against shook my hand, gave me a hug and said he TOLD me that I would win. Then when he found out that I had no idea what my original argument was anymore, he handed me his trial notes because he thought they’d help.

So I ran upstairs and argued my side. I didn’t ask for rebuttal even though I reserved time with the bailiff, and during the questioning, even though I was arguing for summary judgment, I heard myself saying that there was an issue of fact.

I don’t think I planned on it to that extent but I was up there and rambling and not caring at ALL what came out of my mouth and when I heard myself say that, I seized on it and stayed with it. The judges were FLABBERGASTED that I would concede my second issue away.

And it worked, because I didn’t make it to the Top 4 and got to stay home on my day off, which was what I wanted. Hooray for rambling and accidentally screwing yourself over! 😀 I was so ready to be out of that god-forsaken competition.

If they just made it optional after the first night of arguing, they’d have a much better crop of students that actually wanted to be there. This course is used as a recruiting tool for moot court, and when pretty much all your finalists are 3Ls who have no intention of joining the team even if you paid them, UR DOIN IT RONG.

Ah, whatever. At least I have my life back now. 😀 And I can get back to the other classes that I’ve been neglecting for this stupid 1-credit course. Ugh.

There. A super long, rambling story about my law school crap. You know, because this is a law school blog. Don’t say I never tell you nerds stories.

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Oral arguments about to begin.

Image via Wikipedia

For those of you that subscribe to my rampant bitch!fest on Twitter, you already know about the Herzog competition at my law school. For those of you that don’t, know this: it is torture. Unmitigated, butt-paralyzing torture.

It is a 1 credit class (which screws up your whole course load for the semester) in which you spend 6 weeks writing a brief, which is fine. It’s not a big deal. You’re given a problem, it contains the statute, a couple relevant cases for each side, and you skip off on your merry way to read those cases and find others that are on point, along with pertinent law review articles. Then you write your brief piece by piece. By week 2 or 3, you have to have your first issue done because you do the oral argument for that issue in class. The next week, you have to have issue 2 done because you argue that one. Then you do an off-brief argument.

It’s really not that bad. It’s not difficult, just tedious and time-consuming. When you hand in your brief, it is graded and you head in to oral arguments. There are about 200 participants initially for the first round, which is counted in your grade. All of the participants are paired up in Petitioner/Respondent pairs, and they argue in front of a panel of judges. Each panel sees three pairs: one at 6PM, 6:50PM and 7:40PM. All of this is done at the Dirksen building of the Federal Courthouse in downtown Chicago. You have to show up at 5:30ish because that’s when the building closes, and then you just sit there like an idiot until it’s your turn to go.

Andy took Herzog in his second year. Since he does my schedule, we were in all the same classes, but I opted not to take Herzog with him. Instead, I just made fun of him that semester as he trudged through that hellish course.

He told me on the first day of arguments to do good enough to get a good enough score, thus a good grade, but not good enough to place in the Top 64. He told me to do number-65-good.

I tried. I really did. But I guess my rebuttal was better than I wanted it to be – my actual argument portion was so-so, not good, not bad, just whatever – because I advanced.

So that Thursday, I was determined to throw it. I was sitting with a bunch of gal pals in the little waiting area on the 22nd floor of the federal building, and we were ALL plotting to throw the damn thing. All of us were 3Ls, too, so there was no point. After the first argument, our grades for the course had been calculated and turned in. Any further advancing would not help us. As 3Ls we weren’t trying for a spot on the moot court team next year, because we’re graduating in May. We were just being forced to show up and sit around the federal building for hours at a time for no reason. And if we didn’t show up if we were scheduled? We would take a failing grade in the class.

Unbelievable.  Hate everything.

So on Thursday, I really tried to throw it. I didn’t stand up when the bailiff said “All rise.” Instead, I sat there for three long, uncomfortable seconds, yelled “OH CRAP” and then jumped up. The judges laughed instead of giving me the stink eye. Then, I purposely didn’t say “May it please the court,” because I heard that if you didn’t say that, they’d automatically reject you. Then I answered three consecutive questions with the SAME EXACT ANSWER. I was making no sense.

It didn’t work. That night, the judges made comments about how they loved my conversational tone and courtroom presence. I found out Friday that I advanced, and then I kicked schoolchildren down a couple flights of stairs and felt a tiny bit better.

Monday night, I was up again. I was arguing off-brief yet again, and I refused to even look at my notes from Thursday night, so I was fairly confident that I wouldn’t know much going. I tried to be lackluster in my presentation, and I read right off the page for quite a bit of my argument.

We were head to head this time, meaning that the judges had to pick between me and opposing counsel, rather than advance people based on cumulative brief and oral argument scores from the first two rounds. I was off-brief, rambly, and had my nose to the page for a couple minutes there.

This morning, I found out I passed. Again. So I have to wear my monkey suit all day, show up at the courthouse, argue at 6PM, wait around until dinner around 7:45ish, eat while they figure out the scores, and if I advance again (please, God, no), I have to stay and argue AGAIN, meaning I might not even leave the city until like 10 or 10:30PM.

Filled with murderous RAGE.

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