Archive for February, 2010

Hi-diddly-ho, reader-inos! It’s a Flanderiffic day in this blogosphere, and I for one am tickled pink! Why, putting together a Flandereeny outfit for a Flandereeny day is almost as fun as…why, sittin’ through church!

Just dress up in these cool clothes, making sure everything’s tucked away nice and tight. We wouldn’t want another wardrobe mulfuncturino like the one that destroyed the career of that Jackson girl, after everyone complained to the FCC. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Probably because it was just yesterday that I was imploring yet more people I never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish a man and woman who meant no harm for doing something no one cared about a week later.

Anyhoodle, we wouldn’t want a malfuncturino like that. So tuck everything away, and put on time-diddly-ime piece so you know when it’s time to pray or do your taxes. And be sure to run that comb through your noggin carpet, Neighbor, to tame the Devil’s curly hair!

Here’s what I came up with:

Croft and Barrow Dress Shirt in Coral Pink ………. $16
IZOD Sweater in Dark Forest ………. $29.99
Straight Fit Plain Front Pants in Black ………. $35

We’ve got this salmon-colored shirt. I find they’re best worn with an extra helping of starch – keeps everything straight and stiff, like all things should be. Well, except one thing. When it gets stiff, it only leads to trouble, Fella. That’s why I use cornstarch: it’s good for keepin’ down the urges! Maude also uses it to make a lemon meringue pie that will make your mustache twirl!

I paired with this green sweaterino that looks dandy with the pale pink-diddly-ink color of the shirt. Green is the color of grass, trees, and tax refunds! I always send my tax refund back to the hard working folks at the IRS. Gosh darn it, they just work so hard during tax season, and those fellas in the government do, too, with their three day work weeks and all that first-class travelin’ they do. I just feel they need the money more than little Roddy and little Toddy need vaccines. After all, as we always say in our house, a vaccine is the Devil’s sneeze!

Last of all, we’ve got the black pantaroonies. Every outfit can be improved with a little black. It’s the color of the Bible, after all, and that plague that was so helpful in removing so many sinners from God’s green earth.

And there you have the perfect ensemblerino to wear out to work or school once a day or to church several times a day! It’s also a great outfit to wear if you just want to indulge in your less-than-perfect side, skip out on work, and spend the day living it up by wagging the old finger at young people!

In fact, I think I’ll go do that now! I’ll see what my pal Mama Hoomster is doin’ and invite her along for some disapprovin’!

So hang tight, readerinos, and eat your vegetables and say your prayers, because the schools can’t force you to like they should. Hi-diddly-ho, off I go!


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Killing two birds with one stone today, kids! Sorry for the lag in posting, but, hey, you get more bang for your buck today, so what are you complaining about? Today, I’m putting together an outfit that’s entirely from Kohl’s, from head to toe, as well as inspired by the lovely Kelly Kapoor from NBC’s “The Office.”

Kohl’s is a great place to get business casual clothes. Before I started doing this BCS series, I thought business casual meant boring, so I had a lot of staples (button downs, cardigans, that sort of thing) from there. Even boring, ugly work shoes. But now that I’ve been doing this for quite a while, I’ve realized that even if I were to start shopping at Kohl’s again, I wouldn’t have to go for the boring stuff.

Also, I don’t really shop at Kohl’s because I can hardly find anything in my size. The women’s sizes are too big and slumpy and the juniors stuff is too tight, too long, and/or too young and not all that work-appropriate.

But…if you do shop at Kohl’s and you are a fan of the lovely but batty Kelly Kapoor (played by Mindy Kaling), here’s a great outfit that you can get without leaving the store. Woot!

Watercolor Floral Tank in Pink ………. $11.99
Ribbed Flyaway Cardigan in Orchid Heather ………. $21.99

Apt. 09 Solid Pencil Skirt in Black ………. $27.99
CHAPS Fleece Flats in Black ………. $33.99

Yay! Look how cute!

Kelly loves pinks, patterns, and bright colors, and we’ve got all three right here. The pink tank has a pretty floral print, and the way it nips in at the waist, it’s probably pretty flattering on most body shapes. It’s got a black banded look on top, which I like, even though Kelly will sometimes wear low-cut blouses. Whatever.

I paired it with a black pencil skirt, duh, because she wears a lot of those. Like, a lot, a lot. (Oh, God, now I sound like her.) I threw on a pink cardigan that matched the top well enough (Kelly doesn’t always go super matchy-matchy and will often pick pieces of the same general hue) and looks very comfortable, and a pair of pretty black flats that she’d definitely wear as she ran around the office, presumably chasing after Ryan, who is every bit as adorable as he ever was.

Those eyes, you guys, how can any girl resist those eyes?!


I have a problem. I’m a complete sucker for deep blue and hazel-green eyes. Not just hazel, not just green, but hazel-green. Perry, the original LawSkoolBFF before he left me for greener pastures, had the prettiest eyes, you guys. They were bright green with hazel and gold flecks. Sometimes I’d just stare at them while we were sitting side-by-side in our little cubicles in the library, and then he’d laugh at me, because, honestly, the guy just needed any excuse to laugh at me.


Stupid Perry.

Stupid Perry with his ungodly pretty green eyes.

Anyway, there’s Kelly’s outfit, one that anyone’s sure to look adorable in. You know what else is adorable? Kelly in general.

I love their relationship so much. It’s so awful, with occasional moments of awesome that are few and far between and fleeting. I just love how realistic that is.

…I’m never gonna bag me a man unless I club him over the head and drag him back to my room, am I, you guys?


Eh. Whatever. That sounds like too much work. Also, I lack the requisite upper arm strength to drag the hulking oaf back to my room, anyway.

No big loss.

…Shut up, you guys.

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I’ve got that “One Jump Ahead” song from Aladdin stuck in my head right now, so I’m pairing it with this Modern Muslimah post. I’ve been asked to do posts with long skirts, so everything fits together well. In fact, one could almost say that everything is coming up … Milhouse.


Oh, that’s right. I went there. I went there, took pictures, and came back already.

I’m starting something new with Modern Muslimah posts. From now on, whenever I post a Modern Muslimah ensemble (think covered up, modest looks – no pencil skirts, no deep v-necks, no short sleeves), I’m going to put up a hadeeth (which is a narration of an aspect of the Prophet (S)’s life) or a very short verse from the Qur’an, or dispel a common misconception about Islam.

Today, since I’ve got this song stuck in my head, I’m going to talk about the well known Islamic rule that stipulates that a thief’s right hand must be cut off. You remember this song from Aladdin, right? I’m not the only one going nuts?

Aladdin has stolen a loaf of bread, and for that, his hand is to be cut off.

It’s true that Islam says that the punishment for stealing something is to have one’s hand cut off. After all, you stole with that hand, disgracing the appendage with a misdeed, so you lose it.

Very few people (non-Muslims) know that there is a VERY important caveat to this rule. When the rule came down, the Prophet (S) informed his followers that, duh, stealing was a horrible thing to do, and no Muslim should ever steal from anyone else, because he’d have to answer for it on the Day of Judgment.

He said that if someone stole something, his hand was to be cut right off. If he stole again, his left hand was to be cut off. But he added that this did not apply to someone who stole bread (food, in general) to feed himself and/or his family. So, applying it to the clip above, if Agrabah was a proper Islamic state ruled by a proper Islamic sultan that instructed his police force according to Islamic principles, Aladdin would not be punished for stealing the loaf of bread from the market to feed himself (and Abu).

The rationale is simple. The Prophet (S) stated with clarity that when a person steals, he’s responsible for committing that bad deed and must be punished for it. But when a person is so poor as to have no choice but to steal food in order to feed himself and/or his family, that wasn’t the person’s fault. That was society’s fault, for allowing an individual to fall into such poverty in the first place.

Most of Islam’s rules are based on an overwhelming principle of social welfare. Charity cannot be overemphasized in Islam. (The Prophet (S) once said, “even a smile is charity.”) Society as a whole is the final caregiver of the people. The Bait ul Mal in the old days of the Islamic Empire (Treasury, or literally, “House of Wealth”) was where all the taxes went. Muslims paid Zakat, 2.5% of everything they owned in a year (so, if you own an expensive luxury sedan, you pay 2.5% of its value every year you own it, and the same goes for all your expensive designer clothes and your jewelry and gemstones and all that; it doesn’t just apply to your income), and non-Muslims living in Muslim lands paid a smaller tax, called jizyah, and the money went to the Bait ul Mal along with whatever donations individuals chose to make. That money was used to build masjids, infrastructure, finance military efforts, and, most importantly, take care of insolvent widows, orphans, and the elderly. And of course, the insolvent in general.

(Little known fact: The reason that Muslim men are allowed to have up to 4 wives is itself one of social welfare. There were many war widows during the early days of Islam as the Muslims repeatedly battled the pagans of Arabia – and Christians and Jews, duh – and these widows often had children. When a man took another wife, he provided for her and her children. Muslim men were encouraged to marry up to 4 women in order to care for women and children that would have been on their own otherwise, to maintain stability in their society. The rules for keeping more than one wife simultaneously are so strict, however, as to be barely fringing on prohibitive: all of them must be treated the same. How many men can honestly do that?)

(Also, if I were living abroad where bigamy was allowed, you can bet your ass that if Hubster tried to bring home another chick, I’d serve him with papers. No, thank you.)

So, now that we’ve cleared up that misconception (and a couple little ones along the way), let’s get to the clothes!

High-Waisted Cotton Skirt ………. $19.99
Brooks Brothers Merino Ruffle Sweater in Red ………. $49
Bianca Vintage Bootie in Tan ………. $19.04

As promised, here’s a look with a long skirt. I like this one! It’s floral and pretty, and I love the combination of the soft cream and ivory colors and the dark red.

I paired it with this gorgeous Brooks Brothers sweater. Look at the detailing on the neck – those little ruffles are adorable. The neckline is modest, too, and it has full-length sleeves. It looks to be a decent length, and you have a bit of leeway with how long your shirts are when you’re wearing skirts, anyway, because your behind isn’t as obvious as it is in pants.

I added a pair of brown booties to play up the warmth in the skirt and sweater, and we’re done!

I almost added earrings, and then I remembered that most of the Muslimahs (most, not all!) that would take interest in this post would also wear hijab, so earrings are kind of pointless.



Also, isn’t Aladdin adorable?

He’s by far my favorite Disney prince. He’s got the rich black hair that’s just a touch too long, he’s street-smart, he’s funny, he’s athletic, he’s kind to animals, he can sing, he learns from his mistakes and knows how to apologize, and despite being the typical Disney heart-of-gold prince, he’s still got just a touch of douchiness and arrogance to him, and I love that.

Oh, Aladdin.

(Second place is the Beast, DUH, and a VERY close third is Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty.)

(Oddly enough, #1 for Disney girls is Jasmine, #2 is Belle, and #3 is Aurora. That worked out perfectly, you guys.)

…Almost too perfectly.


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Last Thursday, my Business Casual Superstar post was stolen by Canadians. This week? It’s the gingers. Those freakin’ gingers. Gingers like Andy, who is a turd. And if that turd bucket tries to convince you he’s not a ginger, don’t listen, because I have his admission saved. He can no longer deny his gingerhood.

Gingers have no soul, and that is why they stole today’s post. They must have gotten scared that I was on to them, though, because they dropped it off at The Working Wardrobe. If you venture on over there, you’ll see that the post is accounted for and unharmed. Phew!

Here’s what those gingers almost absconded with:

Again, you can find the post here.

Stupid gingers.

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As some of you have noticed, I’ve kind of been MIA for the past few days. I haven’t posted much of anything. This is because I’ve been tired, used up my backlog of BCS posts, angry and high-strung thanks to the assholes on the board of Mama Hoomster’s College Preparatory Shithole school, and on pain meds.

That combination of pain meds, anger, and fatigue created a flurry of WTF tweets like these:

So, yes.

I’m still really high strung and really tired, but not so much on pain meds anymore.

Okay, so I took 4 Advil with breakfast. Leave me alone.

Also, you guys, if you have kids, don’t ever send them to the College Preparatory Shithole of America in Illinois. And if you know of anyone that plans to, convince them not to. Or tie them up. Whatever, same difference. The place is run by a bunch of morally bankrupt shit-heads, in my opinion, and they’re completely incompetent.

Eustace loves those assholes. He plays bridge with them every Sunday and tells them all about what an unmitigated whore I am.

God, I hate everything today.

So yeah, see you when I don’t hate everything. And try not to worry. Just head to your bunker with your blankets and a few cases of bottled water and some canned beets and chicken broth, and make sure you’ve paid up your mortgage for the next few months so they don’t think your house is abandoned. Because this could take a while.

(I’ll probably be back tomorrow or Thursday.)

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Guys. My mother is too nice. I’ve already known this for quite some time, but she just smacked me in the face with it, and it’s getting ridiculous. It’s getting WAY ridiculous, you guys. Observe.

So this conversation took place a couple minutes ago at the dining room table. This is where Mama Hoomster and I get down to our srs bzns. She does her grading and I do my law skool homework. Today we were sitting here with our tea and coffee, respectively, and she was talking about some of her friends that work at her Shithole School.

These friends are secretaries at the Shithole, and when Mama Hoomster was principal last year (before she realized that the Board members were complete crackwhores – my opinion, my words, not hers – and she needed to get on out of there) she would always get the secretaries flowers on the first day, parent-teacher conference days, open house days, etc. The secretaries loved it. This year, my mother’s back to being an AP Econ and algebra teacher because Commander Cuckoo Bananas is in charge (the new principal; let’s call her General Disarray), and she hasn’t gotten the secretaries any flowers.

And for the record, most of the teachers, the ones that actually have two brain cells to rub together in their heads, hate General Disarray. She’s a complete idiot, in their opinions and mine, and based on her track record at the Shithole. General Disarray has repeatedly made false accusations about Mama Hoomster and spread all kinds of shit about her, and even made a couple of veiled threats. And she’s basically taken six months to almost completely destroy the school from a social, academic, and Islamic standpoint (this is a private Islamic school, in case you didn’t know).

Because this is a stupid, stupid woman, you guys. Not nearly as stupid as most of the Board members, in my opinion, but still. No one’s being invited to any Mensa meetings in the near future, let’s just put it that way.

That’s all the background you need to understand why this conversation gave Eustace a neighbor on his street, Stomach Lining Boulevard. Eustace, devotees will remember, is what I call my ulcer.

Mama Hoomster: And so [redacted] was saying that I needed to buy the secretaries flowers and candy again like I used to do all the time last year.

Hoomster: Why?

Mama Hoomster: Because they miss it.

Hoomster: Ah.

Mama Hoomster: I haven’t done it so far this year because if I get it for them, I have to get it for the Principal, too.

Hoomster: Um…I’m sorry, I think I was having an aneurysm and misheard you. Repeat that?

Mama Hoomster: If I get the secretaries flowers and candy, I have to get them for the Principal, too, otherwise it’s just really mean of me, and I don’t want to be mean to her.


Mama Hoomster: O:-) [That’s a halo over her head, in case you’re wondering.]

Hoomster: … [well, it’s hard to explain what I was saying/thinking, so here’s a visual representation]

I really hate these people so much, you guys. I try my best to leave whenever conversation turns their way, because I don’t want to get worked up by tales of their rampant idiocy, but even avoidance doesn’t always work.

God, I hate these people.

(The thoughts expressed in this post are my opinion. Except the parts that can be backed up with actual documents. Documents that have been submitted to the Shithole Grievance Committee. Which is an exercise in futility, since there are a shit-ton of conflicts of interest, and the majority of the Board members aren’t going to follow the Grievance Committee’s recommendations because they’re impotent old men that would rather fall on a sword than admit they made a single mistake, which is surprisingly typical of Desi men of that generation which is why I despise them, and because they’re shit-heads. Again, my opinion. All my opinion.)

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So, once again, I’ve said things. And I’ve said them online, where they’ve been published in a post on a website. Only this time, instead of talking about garden gnomes, and why they are the greatest world threat of 2010, I’m talking about Twitter and how I use it as a law student.

Today’s web edition of the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin includes an article entitled, “Tweeting Lawyers Find Serious, Fun Connections,” by Allison Petty, and yours truly makes an appearance toward the end.


I did not say that.

The article includes only a tiny snippet of what I said, duh, because Ms. Petty talked to lawyers that actually do things instead of scour message boards for the most recent sightings of rabid garden gnomes come to take back what’s theirs. If you turds are interested, here are some of the relatively more important snippets in my email response to Ms. Petty about things that are not important. Like Twitter.

“…[Meeting the attorneys I follow on Twitter at dinner the first night of the 2009 ABA Techshow in Chicago] was a great exercise in networking, which I never really had to do before, and I emerged unscathed and even confident, with some great contacts.

…Initially, I used Twitter mostly for networking and reading up on different areas of the law that interested me. For example, I really found myself enjoying Labor Law, so I’d follow employment lawyers and read the articles and links they posted, which was how I found one of my favorite law blogs, “That’s What She Said,” which focuses on employment issues and violations on NBC’s “The Office,” starring Steve Carell and John Krasinski.

…I started using my Twitter account more informally. I’d tweet silly observations and funny TV/movie clips and music I liked and all that. I’m pretty sure I lost a number of followers among the attorneys that followed me, but that didn’t really matter. I didn’t pay attention to follower count anyway.

…[After exchanging a couple of direct messages with one of his law clerks,] I showed up and was let into the office of Judge Wayne Anderson, where I met up with @LawWriter, and Judge Anderson’s other clerks. We talked for a long while and when Judge Anderson’s settlement conference was over, he came out and introduced himself and invited me to quite literally ‘hang out’ in his private chambers. That part was pretty awesome. Judge Anderson is a delightful person, and one of the first things he said to me after we’d all gotten comfortable was, ‘so, are you going to show me how to use this…Twitter?’

…My blog and Twitter presence actually helped me score a few interviews, too, at the smaller firms in my town. The partners that interviewed me for possible openings at their firms heard about my blog and the things I write about (our little area of Naperville is surprisingly close-knit), and were interested in what I was doing with my web presence in relations to the law, law school, and the things I was interested in.

…I don’t take Twitter all that seriously, but I’ve learned that I get far more use out of it when I don’t just use it for silly personal things and following my friends…I don’t think it’s going to change our world, much less the practice of law or how lawyers work, but for now, it’s a neat little conversation tool that can help you get your name out there, emphasize your strengths, and better convey your personality as opposed to an 8.5×11″ piece of paper with a list of achievements.”

So…that’s about the size of it.

(That’s what he said.)

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